Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."