You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
The calm before the score
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
The goal nine yards
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
I like your tight end
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
I made a snap decision to watch football today
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
I feel tail great!
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
Calm before the score
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Football is one habit I will never kick.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
We’re calling your number.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
I like big punts and I cannot lie
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
All punts are highly intended