“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die."
~ Bill Watterson
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Groucho Marx
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."
~ Anonymous
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” — Stanley J. Randall
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."
~ Homer Simpson
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Henry Kissenger
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” — Homer Simpson
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde