“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
~ Drew Carey
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die."
~ Bill Watterson
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan.
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
“There’s something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living."
~ Karl Lagerfeld
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -Kin Hubbard
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” — Don Marquis
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
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