“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
“Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired. – Michel Tournier
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -Kin Hubbard
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long
“There’s something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living."
~ Karl Lagerfeld
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying. – Rita Rudner
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Anonymous
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem