Cooking Jokes

There's a Problem With the Migratory Bird Tags
There's a Problem With the Migratory Bird Tags According to the Knight-Rider News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv". Until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
The Brewing Argument
The Brewing Argument A man and his wife are having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife says, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband says, "You are in charge of the cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." The wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides it says in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "WHAT?!? I can't believe that! Show me." So she fetches the Bible, opens the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says, "HEBREWS."
Backseat Cook
Backseat Cook A woman is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in... Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror. "Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!" The wife, startled at her husband's violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter. You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!" The wife, concerned by the status of her husband's mental state, forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs. "WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY??? Where are we going to get the butter? They're going to stick! HURRY!" The wife runs to the fridge. "CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don't you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DARN EGGS" At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do. She gasps "What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs!" The husband simply smiles, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like to be driving with you in the car."
The Super Wife
The Super Wife Sam and his wife Rachel were playing golf at the club when she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway. Sam said, 'Wow I have never seen you play this well before!' 'I took lessons.' Says Rachel. A couple of days later on the tennis court in mixed doubles, she smashes her serves and never misses a point. Sam said to her: 'Wow I have never seen you hit so well before!' 'I took lessons.' Says Rachel. On the weekend they settled into a nice dinner at home. Rachel brings out the perfect plates of Beef Wellington and Sam says, 'Delicious! I have never seen you cook like this before!' 'I took lessons.' Says Rachel. After dinner she gives him THAT look and they go upstairs. About 30 minutes later Sam rolls over and says 'Wow! That was incredible, amazing, so hot! I want a divorce.'
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
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