"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
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