"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain