"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
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