"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
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