“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
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