Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
"Lazy bones."
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
"Dying to have fun."
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.