We're throbbing with excitement, eager to show you our hilarious Heart Puns!

I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
You’re my heartthrob.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
I have a heart-on for you.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.