One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.