why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!