Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.