I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.