I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.