My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
Today my "O" button on my keyboard stopped working.
Maybe it was a sign I should've stopped o-ppressing the keyboard.
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
Did you hear about the keyboard that lost it's Period Key?
He was missing the point.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
A router and a modem got married.
They were pronounced husbandwidth and Wifi.
What do you call a program that uses every possible combination to crack a password?
A battering R.A.M.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
Q. Where do computers keep their money?
A. In a data bank.
If a cat broke your computer...
Would it be that an error has o-purred ?
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.