My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.