When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."