My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.