Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
All farts...are laughing gas.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.