How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.