What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Wish upon a starfish.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!