Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Go big or go gnome.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.