I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
I love you so fairy much.
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What do you call a 2D fairy?
Pixie-lated.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Long time no sea.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
You really mermaid my day.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
Seas the day!
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.