You seem a little mer-mad.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Wish upon a starfish.
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?
They're always searching for the tooth.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
Long time no sea.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Go big or go gnome.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Call me on the shellphone.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
Fishing you a happy day.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.