Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
I really hate straws.
They suck.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"