I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.