My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.