My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.