Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
I have a heart-on for you.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.