"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.