What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
"Lazy bones."
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.