Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.