A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.