What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...