I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.