I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
All stereos are so typical.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.