What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.