Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Go big or go gnome.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.