Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
I just told my family a pun about bees.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives.
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
My communist grandparents hated each other, but still stayed married for more than 60 years.
It was a so-be-it union.
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.