My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.