My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
All farts...are laughing gas.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."