Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.