Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.