I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.