My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.