Why don't mining towns have hospitals?
Because everyone there only ever suffers from minor injuries.
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
As my wife was giving birth, all the doctors and nurses started yelling, “Push! Push!”
I was convinced it was a Pull door.
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
Earlier, I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention disguised as the starship's doctor.
Security soon discoverd, however, I wasn't the real McCoy.
Why did the Meteorologist go to hospital?
He was feeling under the weather.
What do doctors use to diagnose chickens?
Eggsray.
Nurse: Are you allergic to anything?
Man: Burnt bread.
Nurse: You're allergic to burnt bread?!?
Man: Yes, I’m black toast intolerant.
Why did the little birdie go to the hospital?
To get tweetment.
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
What kind of doctor is always available?
An on-call-ogist.
What did the police arrest the hospital patient for?
He was under cardiac arrest.
I rushed to my local hospital only to find that it had been converted into a library
Talk about having to suffer in silence
Her name is Carly and she's a doctor
maybe I should C A Rly good doctor.
During labor, the nurse came up to my wife and said, “How about epidural anesthesia?”
I said, “Thanks, but we already picked a name.”
How does herpes get out of the hospital ?
On crotches.
Why did the little boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Because he heard there were sleeping pills in there.
Why was the doctor doing diarrhia research scared?
He had seen some sh*t go down.
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor!
Who is the second coolest man in hospital?
The hip replacement guy!
What do you call Vietnamese animal doctors?
Vietnam Vets.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
A patient came to the ER with a rash. I told her it was an allergic reaction and that I'd prescribe her steroid cream. She asked me if she'd be discharged soon.
She was really itching to get out of here.
I only need a prescription for like half of my kitchen cabinets.
The rest are over the counter
Why did the bunny go to the hospital?
Because he needed a hopperation.
What is a nurse’s favorite element?
Healium.
Why can't TLC be nurses?
Because they don't want no scrubs.
Wife was in the hospital and the nurse said she was calling the doctor to put in an IV
When he showed up, I said to him "I thought there'd be four of you".
Why did the wizard rush to the hospital?
He had a staff infection.
My friend gave birth in the car on the way to the hospital
Her husband named the kid Carson.
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.