I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.