Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
Orange you excited for Halloween?
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.