Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
I beg your garden?
I’m kind of a big dill.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
I’ll never leaf you.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
Let me plant one on ya!
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
Don’t moss around.
I’m rooting for you!
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
One trick peony.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
All things must grass.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Herb your enthusiasm.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
All clover the world.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
We’re mint to be.
In on the ground flora.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
In the eyes of the lawn.
I’m very frond of you.