All things must grass.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
Seed between the lines.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
I’m rooting for you!
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
Your good seed for the day.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
You’re unbeleafable.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
We’re mint to be.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
I beg your garden?
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
Leaf me alone.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
Your good weed for the day.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
One trick peony.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
I’m very frond of you.
I’m kind of a big dill.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Trowel and error.