What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
Nothing really mattress.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I couldn't chair less!