What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
Nothing really mattress.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred